Consequences of Stress on Children's Development
Children are very special. Sometimes adults do not realize how their behavior or choices affect their well being and emotional being. As I look back over my childhood, I can remember my mother and father arguing and fighting. I love my parents. When the arguing and fighting is happening, I would wish I had a new mommy and daddy. My kids wants to see the parent fight or hear them fussing. I would make me feel like it was my fault or why daddy had to go out drinking. When you see it you just want them to stop. So you do what you can to get their attention. I cried, yelled out stop, tried to get in the middle or go get a neighbor or somebody just to make them stop.
Being the older I felt like it was my responsibility to try to control the situation. I had to take my sister to the room, calm her down or take her with me as we leave the house. Or I am thinking what can I do to make my feel better.
In that moment I was sad and mad. Having good neighbors, aunts, and uncles that would talk with us ( my sister and I) to lets us know that everything is going to be OK probably relieve so of the stress. I do think it effect me in so ways. I tend to keep things in that bother me. But as far as my academic work I do not recall it effect it. I think it pushed me more to do good in school so they will not argue.
However it sadden me to say that I followed in their footstep. I said to myself that I would not argue in front of my children. I failed myself. I can not explain why I allowed it to happened. I see my children doing what I did when my parents argue. I see them being insecure. I see then fighting among themselves. I see them intimating us.
Now I pray that when my children get marry that they will not make the same mistake as me. I want my children to be better than me. I want them to learn to walk away before arguing in front of their children.
Thank you for sharing this experience. I too understand exactly how you feel. My parent often fought and my siblings and I always took it personal like we were to blame. It is hard for children not to feel like it is there fault when their parents are fighting or acting out in someway. In my first marriage, I made the mistake of dealing with my emotions the same way I saw my parents deal with their emotions which was not always the best way to resolve problems. I had developed so pretty bad habits and now in my second marriage I understand how important it is to effectively deal with your emotions in an appropriate manner. It took some time and for me to reflect back on the way I was raised. I took the good and altered the bad to become a better wife. Many people struggle with these cycles of destructive behaviors that they have picked up from the people who are most influential to them. This is why self-reflection is key to becoming a better person.
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